Being a teacher is really tough some days. Yesterday was one of those days for me. It wasn’t my students, although a lot of the time they certainly make teaching difficult. I feel like they’re allowed to make my job hard sometimes since the whole reason I’m teaching is for them. I just feel like I don’t have any control. I teach in a large school district with several elementary, middle, and high schools, so a lot of the decisions about what we teach and how we teach it are made in a downtown office, printed on a map and given to us the day before school starts. Then, we’re supposed to follow this map, never veering from it or adding to it, and our students are supposed to be proficient or advanced on the ACTAAP exam. (The state literacy and math exam all public school students have to take every year.)
I don’t have any problem following a map or even being told what to teach. The issues I am facing right now is that neither mine nor anyone else’s students are not performing well on their interim assessments we give every semester before the ACTAAP to kind of “take the temperature” of where students are currently performing. Even though we’re all following this map that they have laid out for us and using the resources provided, somehow, it is our fault that the student’s scores are low.
It’s a very frustrating situation in which it is becoming very difficult for me to remain positive and see the goodness in. I keep wanting for the district to admit that they have made mistakes in creating our map and take some of the blame for the student’s low scores, but they won’t. So, I’m fighting within my spirit wondering if this is something I should want at all? What should my reaction be as a believer? As a follower of Christ striving to be holy? Should I just continue to follow the district’s directive even though I know it may mean that my student’s will do worse on their state exam and I will catch the heat for it? It is quite the conundrum.
Needless to say, I’m praying through my feelings on this subject. I’m sorry to be such a downer today, but I’m thankful I have a place to sort out some feelings that may be misguided or misplaced. It is my deepest desire to bring glory to the Lord in everything I do. Sometimes, it’s just difficult to find the way to do so. Pray for me if I come across your minds as you spend time with Him.